S¤¤¤¤ and Giggles
by Red-Eyed Ryuu
Summary: A compilation of one shot humor stories. Chapter two: Mokie tyies to prove he can scare his big brother.Rated for strong language. Hope ya enjoy it! Please RR.
1. Issues

**_Shits and Giggles  
  
Chapter 1: Issues_**

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_It's a bright summer's morning in the town known as Domino. We find ourselves at a game shop, the Kamè game shop to be exact. Let the fun begin! Bwahahaha!!_

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"Ack! Yami! Why didn't you wake me up!?! I'm supposed to meet the gang at the arcade at twelve!" Yugi Mutou, a young teenager with spiky, pink, black, and yellow, gravity deifying, hair bellowed.

"Why I'd love some tea and crumpets ol' chap..." muttered yet another teenager with multi-colored, spiky hair. "...mmm...might I ask where the loo is? I need to take a wee tinkle..." The teen, Yami, continued to mutter like a British man at tea time as the other gave him an odd stare."...Yami...no more modern day sweets before bedtime for you..." the boy sweat dropped as his counterpart continued to speak with a British accent. Turning his attention away from his dark, Yugi headed towards the bathroom. "Well...seeing as Yami's on a sugar high I'd better leave him here... He might send some poor innocent bystander to the shadow realm..."

The amethyst-eyed boy took a quick glace in the mirror and noticed a sock was hanging off one of his spikes as well as a shoelace on another of his spikes. "Wow! All I need now are some lights, a string of popcorn, and some ornaments! Then I'll be a real walking, talking Christmas tree! ", Yugi remarked sarcastically as he began picking the said junk out of his hair. "Well then, I'd better hurry up and take a shower, I'm pretty sure the gang'll be here in a few minutes..."

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_ ¡¡¡¡Intermission!!!! _

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We find young Yugi looking into the mirror once again, his hair down, much like a girls. And so, the story continues! "Great! It'll take forever to dry now!" complained the teen as he reached for the blow dryer.

Turning the mechanism on, our little friend begins to dry his hair. Well, what else do you do with a blow dryer...other than maybe electrocute yourself with it? "Come on!!! I put this thing on the highest, hottest possible setting! My hair should be dried by now!!" Someone's impatient...he's got it on so high it's practically a flamethrower...anyway...

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_ Okay! It's been about fifteen minutes; shall we see how Yugi's faring with his hair... if he has any left with that flamethrower of his...OR maybe we can go onto more entertainment?_

**_"GRRAHRR!!"_**  
  
Throughout the compact game shop dash house the loud and nerve rattling roar of a vicious beast was heard. Sugoroku Mutou was one to hear this disturbing cry.

"Now again...he does this every morning..." The old, gray-haired, bandana wearing man shook his head in disapproval and embarrassment. "Sometime I wonder about that boy...sometimes I really d OWCH!!" The old man winced and grew silent, for like ten seconds.On the back of the poor guy's head, protruding out of his orange colored bandana, a big round bump shined, "That's enough out of you! Quit making fun of Yugi so often Dad!"A mid-aged woman with short, not quite shoulder length reddish- magenta colored hair held a frying pan in her arms as she glared down at the old man, other wise known as her father."Ow...ow...ow...I'm sorry! ...I didn't mean anything!" Sugoroku tried defending himself while his daughter continued to bash him with the frying pan, thankfully for him, it hadn't been prior used.  
  
"You always say that dad, but I always find you making wise cracks about him!""Ow! Why'm I reminded of the old saying...'Hell hath no furry like a woman's wrath'...OUCH! Pease stop already!! My head can't take much more of this!!"

"You've got a thick skull! You'll live! Right now I'm trying to teach you a lesson!!"  
  
Sadly...the old man's head wasn't as thick as she had thought, and thus Yugi's mother ended up killing him. Death by pan...such a pity... Okay, so that's a lie, he isn't dead...yet.

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_Anyway, returning to our young friend, how is his hair dilemma going thus far?_  
  
"GRRAHAARRR!! NOOOOO!! WHAT KIND OF CRUEL AND UNUSUAL JOKE IS THIS!?!" Yugi had succeeded in drying his hair, yes, but... as his hair would've usually returned to its abnormal, gravity defying spikes, this time however...it did not. Thus leaving the teens hair in a flat, downward position, causing him to appear more famine then he desired. "Yamiiiiii!!" cried the boy...who now looked like a girl.

"By jolly ol' chap! ...I think he's taken my w-"As Yugi's doppelganger, Yami, was continuing to mutter British in his sleep, Yugi had pounced onto the bed; the recoil of which causing Yami to be catapulted into the air as if he were on a trampoline.  
"...oops..." muttered Yugi as he noticed his dark about to crash to the ground. As this happened, the vertically challenged boy winced at the painful sound of flesh meeting floor.  
  
...Does that make a sound? I wouldn't know...never tried catapulting someone off a bed...I should try that some time...Anyway, back to the story!  
  
Racing to his partner's side, Yugi began shaking the limp figure, desperately trying to resuscitate the yami. "Yami! You can't leave me! You can't die on me!! ...Wait...you're already dead... Wake up already!!" Poor Yami, at the moment he was being put through a ten point five earthquake...such a pity...  
  
Suddenly, ruby red crimson eyes snapped open in a slur of emotions and feelings. Annoyance, pain, sleepiness, pain, anger, pain, surprise, pain...oh did I mention pain? "Ahh!! It's the end of the- why hello there Miss... I don't believe we've met before...who might you be?" ...It seems Yami can't differentiate a feminen version of his hikari from some random girl on the street...

Yugi's face contorted in confusion at his yami's words. "...Yami...what're...who're you talking to?..." Yugi tilted his head to the side in confusion, surely Yami recognized him...

"You know my name? It must be destiny we met!" ...Obviously the yami received a rough bump to his head during his little fall. "I love you darling!" Yugi's yami said as he glomped him, thus causing Yugi to scream bloody murder.  
  
"Yami!! Get off me!!"

"I love you, my kawaii tenshi!"

"Ack! Grandpa! Mom! Someone! Help me!"

"Your voice is so beautiful, darling. KISS ME!" "Ra...please help me..."

Well...looks like they're having fun...but before we end this little thingy, lets check up on how Sugoroku's doin'!

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"Ah-ha! Engard! Take that! ...and that!" ...Right...um... Well, while Yugi's mom had a frying pan and was whacking him earlier with it, the old fart some how managed to get a whisk from a nearby cabinet. And now, as you would see in a "Three Musketeers" movie, the two were duking it out as if their lives depended upon the outcome of this kitchen ware duel. 

_ ** ¿¿¿¿Owari????**_

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Alrighty then! Thus ends chapter one of Shits and Giggles! I hope you all enjoyed it, if so, 9-9 please leave me a review? Also, about the title, I don't want to get in trouble for cusing in the the title and all so I just state the normal title in the chapters... And to anyone and everyone, I don't hate any of the characters portrayed in this fic. The plot lines for each chapter are meant purely for humor, so please don't feel offended if you don't like what I've written. So yeah...well, Ja'ne!

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**« « Preview of the next victim...er...chapter! » »**

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_ "Seto Kaiba...I have come for your sooooooooul!" came the eerie voice of something. "Surrender to me now or face your dooooooooom! Muwahahaha!" _

_ Raising an eyebrow, the teenaged CEO picked up one of the various paperweights cluttering his desk and chucked it into the fog. "Ow! Big brother! What was that for!?"_


	2. One Fine Day

**_Chapter 2: One Fine Day_**  
  
"You're getting on my nerves, and that's not a good idea...you're fired! Now get out of my office!" yelled a tall brunette with cold sapphire eyes, towards a man with brownish hair and an outrageous spike on the front of his head.  
  
"But...but sir!"

"I don't want to hear it Kemo, now get out! Your hair is one big, pointy eye sore!"

"Mister Kaiba! I swear I'll get my hair cut! Honestly! Just please, don't fire me!!!"

"I already did, now, good-bye" "Bu- AHHHHHH!"  
  
The teen genius, Seto Kaiba smirked as he stood up from his big, black, swerve cushioned chair and straightened his big, poofy, gravity-defying white trench coat. "I've really got to thank Mokuba for the drop-away floor idea..."  
  
As the brunette shut off his computer and began heading towards the wooden double doors of his office, said doors slowly and eerily began to open. A sickly, rotting, boney hand grasped the edge of the opening doors while a chilling, choking fog cascaded into the room. "Seto Kaiba...I have for your sooooul!" came an eerie voice from behind the door, obviously the hands owner... "Surrender to me now...or face your utter doooom!"  
  
Raising an eyebrow, Kaiba picked up one of the various paperweights cluttering his desk and chucked it into the fog which was soon accompanied by a shout of pain.  
  
"Owe!! Big brother! What was that for!?!" "I told you to knock it off already Mokuba. You're not going to succeed in scaring me, or anyone else for that matter." "Hmph! That's what you think big brother. I swear on my name that I'll make you scared beyond scared! So scared that you'll be begging for my forgiveness and help! Bwahahahahaha!"  
  
Sweat dropping at his younger brothers stupidity, the ten CEO reached for yet another paper weight on his desk and, as with the previous one, threw it at lil' Mokie's head, causing a prodigious bump to form on his head. "Now leave me alone Mokuba! Or I'll scare you my own way!"  
  
Sniffling, the younger Kaiba glared towards the older Kaiba. Mokuba, sticking out his tongue in a rude pouting manner towards his brother, slammed the wooden doors shut as he took his dramatic, drama queen leave...er...I meant to say abrupt leave!  
  
"..." Looking at the ground where the fog continued to billow into his office, our favorite CEO sighed. Seto made his way to the wooden doors and as he opened them figured out the origin of the 'fog'. "Dried ice...and a bucket of water? How...'original'... Mokuba really needs to learn more about special effects...along with learning how to clean up after himself..."  
  
!%!%!%!%!%!%!%  
  
Later, well...five hours later to be exact... politically correct...CURSE POLITICALLY CORRECTNESS!! ...Oo'' Err...sorry... anyway, back to the story... As I was saying, five hours later, Kaiba was at home in his beautiful mansion, laying on a black leather sofa, taking a long needed rest. That is...until the plasma, wide-screen TV turned on... and began playing a movie...  
  
_"Here we go...  
The world is spinning...  
When it stops...  
It's just beginning...  
Sun comes up...  
We laugh and we cry...  
Sun goes down...  
And then we all die..."  
_  
In surprise, the teen CEO leapt off the sofa and crashed landed to the ground. What were the first words to come out of his mouth after such an occurrence you may ask? Well... "Damn it, Mokuba would you knock it off!!!"  
  
...Someone's got an attitude problem...can you say anger management? Naw, just jokin'!  
  
Grabbing the remote for the tele, Kaiba hit the power button. But, as a remote's supposed to turn the tele off, or on...or increase volume...this remote however did not...it didn't even flip channels for crying out loud!! How're they ever gonna be able to live without the ability to channel surf!?! Oh such woe for one to bear! "What the hell!?!" ...he probably doesn't notice that there aren't any batteries in the remote...and he's a genius? ...oh boi...  
  
Much to the CEO's dismay, and the lack of batteries in the remote, the movie on screen began to play a disturbing sequence of events. For example fingers being impaled by nails, worms turning into hundreds of scurrying people, a woman falling over a cliff, bloody water, a spinning chair, a ladder, the reflection of a woman brushing her hair in a mirror and I think I'll stop there...  
  
Growling in frustration Kaiba threw the useless (battery-less) remote to the ground, smashing it into millions of tiny winy pieces. ...either he's got a really strong pitching arm or that thing's made of glass... "Useless piece of shit! Why do I even bother with such unnecessary things!?! ...Oh...that's right, Mokuba finds them 'entertaining'."  
  
Ignoring the pile of lil' black shards of the remote, our young... or is it old? ...erm...we'll just go with teen victim; began stalking towards the T.V. to manually shut the accursed thing off. But, before he could do so, all the lights in the huge ass entertainment room either shut off or exploded. This caused Kaiba to jump back a little in surprise. No, not fear, surprise -say it with me folks, sur... prise... Good, now one more time! Sur... prise...- because nothing can ever scare the great Seto Kaiba –well that's what he says anyway-. "What the hell-"  
  
**_ "Se...to... Kai...ba..."_** came an eerie voice originating from the direction of the T.V.  
  
Mokuba... though Kaiba and he straightened the collar of his white poofy, gravity defying trench coat. (I want one a' those =3 Defying the laws of gravity/physics is awesome!) "I thought I told you to knock it off, or were you not listening to me?" yelled Seto as he reached the front of the television screen.  
  
_**"Heh...heh...heh..."**_ came the same, eerie, raspy voice. **_"I'm not...who you think I am...Seto Kaiba... Heh...heh...heh..."_** As soon as that sentence was finished, the plasma screen began to act abnormally. You may be asking yourself, "What's abnormal for anything in that world?" well you see, the screen was bulging in a few areas, as if someone were trying to claw their way out of it or something of the sort.  
  
Now, this strange abnormality began to scare the CEO –whose heart was beating way faster than it should be by the way-. "Mokuba?" asked Kaiba towards the bulging screen in a raspy voice.  
  
The screen suddenly seemed to turn into water as it rippled and a figure basically...plopped out of it -along with some fish and...well...some water-.  
  
_**"Hello...Kaiba."**_

"...who...wh-"  
  
!%!%!%! _Lets go to Mokie shall we?_ !%!%!%!  
  
We find ourselves in a kitchen of the sort multi-billionaires have; Mokuba can be found sitting on a marblish, whitish, counter top eating a lil' cup of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream while swinging his legs to and fro. Now isn't he just the embodiment of innocence? ...yeah right!  
  
"I wonder if I'll ever be able to scare my big brother... It seems humanly impossible..." As Mokuba brought a spoon full of ice cream to his lips, a chilling scream of frights erupted throughout the Kaiba manor and entered the young boy's ears. "...That sounded like... BIG BROTHER!!"  
  
The young pre-teen reacted to hearing his brother scream in a surprisingly slow manner. It was the first time he'd heard his brother scream...ever; of course he'd be shocked and amazed...or is that dazed and amazed? ...Amazed and dazed? Whatever... anyway, after he'd gotten over the shock of hearing his brother scream, Mokuba tossed his cookies –The ice cream that is. Sorry, he didn't regurgitate his previously eaten food; I do draw the line somewhere. Although the line tends to move once in a while-, hitting a hanging frying pan, thus causing it to smack another hanging pot which hit another pan, which hit another pot, which hit another pan and caused to whole thing to crash to the ground. "...oops...I'll clean that up later..."  
  
After dashing around every corner, leaping over any miscellaneous objects in his path, occasionally slamming into a closed door, and just about running out of a window, Mokuba finally reached the entertainment room, sporting a few new bruises here and there.  
  
Slamming the door open, Mokuba scanned the room for any sign of his brother, only finding said person when he looked down a few inches in front of himself. "...Big...brother?" Mokuba quizzically asked.  
  
There, lying on the ground before him was the stiff figure of Mokie's elder brother. Foam was... well...foaming out of his mouth, his usually gravity defying trench coat was now limp and acting like a normal coat –that's a first, but probably the only time it'll ever be like that-, but the weirdest thing was that Kaiba's face was asphyxiated in that of fear. Hmm...I hope that isn't permanent...  
  
Mokuba was both shocked and amazed at his brother's current state, he was at a loss for words to say the least. "...Seto...?" Raising an eyebrow in confusion, the blue tinted, raven-haired boy slightly kicked his brother's head, wondering if he'd get a response, which he didn't get. The boy's eyes suddenly began brimming with tears as he yelled into the once silent room, "...NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS S'POSED TO BE THE FIRST ONE TO SCARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!  
  
"Hehehe...dat was awesome! I finally got back at dat stuck up bastard"  
"Hey Joey, what the heck're you talkin' about? And why're you so late?"  
"Oh nothin' Tristan, nothin' at all"  
"...Alright man...well, come on, we're later getting' to the arcade!"

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**« « « « « « « «Owari » » » » » » » »**

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Alright, there's chapter two for you all! Hope you enjoyed it, and sorry 'bout how long it's taken me to update. It's my B-day today, so I thought I'd give you guys a little present of your own . Hope you liked it... and please review if you liked this chapter ad want me to continue. Gotta go, Ja'ne! .  
  
**_P.S. A cookie to anyone who can guess what the movie playing on the T.V. is!_**

**_FYI: No gutter-mindedness with the preiview, please.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the movie mentioned in this chapter._**

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** « « Preview of the next victim...erm...chapter! » »**

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_ Egypt's quite a hot and boring place, unless you know how to entertain yourself that is! Anyway, Isis, Malik, and Rishid can't seem to entertain themselves so they try something they've never tried before. Well, Isis and Rishid do, Malik decided he wanted to paint the town red. Well, he did leave with a couple cans of red paint...o.o' He's vandalizing Egyptian property!! Yes, well, shall we see what Isis and Rishid are up to?  
  
"Rishid! I don't think that's going to fit, it's too big! Stop trying to force it in already!"_

_"It has to! Maybe if I twist it a little this way..."_


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